Angels, Heaven and Light

You know that point in the movie where the skys open up, the sun shines through the clouds and you hear angels (I dunno, I assumed it was angels) singing AHHHHHHHHH (ok, ok, I've been trying to recreate the sound via type in my head, but can't seem to do it justice)?

This is THAT moment Rita! YOUR moment!

We know we feel better after exercise. But now you, Rita, KNOW you feel better after exercise!

The thing that I've learned, even for myself, is that you have to do whatever it takes to trick yourself into doing what is best for you. I do it all the time. I avoid places that I might behave badly at (OH, all the time!), I don't buy foods I shouldn't eat, I even became a Personal Trainer to make sure I got exercise! I buy vegetables so I will eat them, I ride the bike because I know my hips might feel better, I spend time with people that might influence me positively...

Maybe this is the way that you need to trick yourself into feeling better? I'm actually glad. This feels like a breakthrough.

Just imagine weighing in without that 30lbs on your chest?

Location:The higher ground

I hate technology

I wrote a great post. Somehow lost it. Freaking phone.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The "D" word...

As in "depression"... not "drama". Or "danger". Or "diaper".

So. All my life I've battled with mild depression. For the most part it hasn't been too much of an issue and I've been able to bootstrap myself back to "normal" (ha!). But especially during the really tough times, being a single mother and feeling overwhelmed and terrified of what the future holds, I would feel like there was a 30 lb weight sitting on my chest. I had a hard time sleeping which only magnified the feelings. I ate for comfort. I sat around and distracted myself with TV and then when the World Wide Web hit, I immersed myself in the online world. I could happily avoid any and all issues by surfing the web, playing any number of games and chatting with strangers. Granted, some of those strangers have become my heart and soul, my best friends, my confidants and my greatest support system, but at the time it was a way to avoid dealing with what was going on inside the beast.

I finally acknowledged that there might be more going on than I was willing to admit to so I went to a therapist. Her name is Brenda Barton (http://www.brendabarton.com/) and she was so amazing and did so much towards letting me find coping mechanisms for dealing with my low times. But... money was tight and when I went back to work I wasn't able to keep up with my sessions and even though working with her gave me a new outlook on life, I still carry around some of the demons that crippled me before.

This last month has been tough. I can't say it's been the toughest time of my life, but it's been a hard one. The worst part has been my work.  I'm not a big fan of the job hunt so historically I've settled for less than I deserve rather than get out there and make it happen.  I'm in this situation now and the pressure of dealing with it has re-introduced the 30lb weight on my chest.  It's been very tough on the people around me to watch my normally sunny disposition fade into a dull shade of grey.  I've had no energy and motivation.  It's been a struggle to keep up with the exercise, but I've done what I could.

Last Friday night was bad.  Really bad.  After a week of working my ass off I was feeling depressed, demoralized and just crappy.  But I put on my runners and went out.  To date, I've only been walking when I go out, but Friday I decided to throw caution to the wind and run a bit.  Previously when I started running I followed the Sun Run Training Program and it was a great way to ease myself into this great new habit.  So Friday I started by running 30 seconds and then walking until I caught my breath.  Rinse. Repeat.

Can I tell you how much better I felt when I got back?  Like... a million times better.  I remember that feeling of accomplishment when I finished a run, that euphoria, that inner glow.  I'm not quite at the same level that I was before, but I remember it and I want it back.

HOWEVER, I went out again tonight and I think I finally ground my runners into a pulp.  Coupled with the fact that my bra straps kept sliding down my shoulders it wasn't the most inspiring run.

But I went from going 30 seconds at a time to running a full minute at a time and IT. FELT. GOOD.

Win.

Geesh

Ok OK. OK!!! LOL

I've been slacking. But being the believer that I am of positive reinforcement (in addition to trouser socks), here goes...

You have lost a grand total of 23 pounds. Which is AWESOME (and at least one size)!

You have lost more than 23 inches overall, including almost 4 inches through your midsection and even 1.5" in the ankle! :)

Your best weeks were week 2 and now this final week which saw a loss of FOUR POUNDS - which was conveniently posted to Facebook within SECONDS of verification! LOL

So, in short, what this means is that you are definately on the right track. I notice a huge correlation between an increase in movement with a decrease in both inches and pounds so if you can keep that momentum going, we're laughing all the way to the skinny farm!

Results?

I'm still a'waiting....

I want numbers!

Violins & guilt

Ok ok. How can I argue with THAT? And publicly? Lol

One more week...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Dear Tara's boot...

I love that you are supporting me in this but here's the deal:

These last couple of weeks were hard on me personally. My cousin dying was massive. Like, overwhelmingly, gut wrenchingly, heart breakingly hard. Yeah I made up some words there but I'm fly like that.

I needed more than just one week to process, grieve and get to a point where I'm "ok" with this. I'm still not ok but I'm getting back in the swing. I've been depressed. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was bruised by this. It's the first REALLY tragic death in our family. The first one of my 40 cousins who was taken too soon and I still get very emotional when I think about it.

Add on to this the fact that work has been HARD. We are overworked to the n-th degree and I'm rolling around the idea of a future job change in a very big way.

Oh and did I mention that my mom broke her arm? Yeah. This is another tough one. My mom is a beautiful 81 year old lady who I adore and it's tough to watch her age and show signs of being less than indestructible.

AND my van decided to give up the ghost. You know that weird knocking sound that I've been ignoring for the last little while? Well it turns out that you can't drive with a broken water pump. So yeah, that's coming up on one week. My lovely and wonderful boyfriend has been trying to fix it in order to save us some money, but he lacks the proper tools so it is taking some time. The only upside to this is that the idea of biking to work is becoming more appealing.

Soooo yeah. BUT. I'm not using this as an excuse. I have not been as exercise-y (yep, another made up word... on FIRE tonight) but I've still made it out more than half the week. I'm not eating AMAZINGLY, but I'm not being stupid either. There has been some comfort food because I've needed some comfort.

But I'm back on track. If you feel like I need my picture posted then so be it. But I'd appreciate just one more week to prove to you that I'm working hard. Life sometimes gets in the way of all this, but it's good to know that I won't give up just because I've had a few good sized hits.