Violins & guilt

Ok ok. How can I argue with THAT? And publicly? Lol

One more week...


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Dear Tara's boot...

I love that you are supporting me in this but here's the deal:

These last couple of weeks were hard on me personally. My cousin dying was massive. Like, overwhelmingly, gut wrenchingly, heart breakingly hard. Yeah I made up some words there but I'm fly like that.

I needed more than just one week to process, grieve and get to a point where I'm "ok" with this. I'm still not ok but I'm getting back in the swing. I've been depressed. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was bruised by this. It's the first REALLY tragic death in our family. The first one of my 40 cousins who was taken too soon and I still get very emotional when I think about it.

Add on to this the fact that work has been HARD. We are overworked to the n-th degree and I'm rolling around the idea of a future job change in a very big way.

Oh and did I mention that my mom broke her arm? Yeah. This is another tough one. My mom is a beautiful 81 year old lady who I adore and it's tough to watch her age and show signs of being less than indestructible.

AND my van decided to give up the ghost. You know that weird knocking sound that I've been ignoring for the last little while? Well it turns out that you can't drive with a broken water pump. So yeah, that's coming up on one week. My lovely and wonderful boyfriend has been trying to fix it in order to save us some money, but he lacks the proper tools so it is taking some time. The only upside to this is that the idea of biking to work is becoming more appealing.

Soooo yeah. BUT. I'm not using this as an excuse. I have not been as exercise-y (yep, another made up word... on FIRE tonight) but I've still made it out more than half the week. I'm not eating AMAZINGLY, but I'm not being stupid either. There has been some comfort food because I've needed some comfort.

But I'm back on track. If you feel like I need my picture posted then so be it. But I'd appreciate just one more week to prove to you that I'm working hard. Life sometimes gets in the way of all this, but it's good to know that I won't give up just because I've had a few good sized hits.

Dear Ritas Ass..

Its time for a good kicking.

hahahahaha

Seriously, this is what happens to almost EVERYBODY when they are trying to lose weight. Part of the issue is that they (you) get comfortable, the changes become habits, the body doesn't have to work as hard, you stop trying so hard etc etc etc....

Which is, my dear old friend, why we took the pictures.

That's right! In case the rest of you didn't know, we took some pictures. At my home, on a memory stick, hidden out of site are before pictures of Rita front, side and yes, REAR. And, if I may remind you, our original agreement was that if you fall off the wagon, then I get to POST those pictures on this blog.

Ahem.

So, allow me to play "HardAss Trainer" for a minute please.

I understand you've had a hard time, death in the family, holidays with family, bad work days, what else? Oh yeah, forgetting the sexy trouser socks.... But, what's our new mantra? That's right NO MORE F-ING EXCUSES.

You wanted/want to make these changes. You need to make these changes for your own health. You know what to do, and you know how to do it. You have ALL of the tools at your disposal. So I"m afraid my friend, that the only thing stopping you from achieving YOUR goals, is YOU.

Its time to stand up, put on your big girl panties, stop procrastinating, start moving and DO THIS THING.

We've discussed obstacles, and for some reason you've never really clearly defined what those obstacles are. And that's fine, we'll move on pretending there are none until you get there.

So here's the thing. You're back writing down your food every day. You're moving 20-40 minutes/day at something that elevates your heart rate. You are finding alternatives for exercise when you have to do it on your own. And you are working out what both your motivations and your barriers are. That's it.

Big Girl Panties.

Next week we address this thing, changes are to be made, or by Wednesdays we'll have, hmmmmmm, let's see - the side view pictures posted for all to see!

I love you Rita, I want you to do this.

Backsliding and sadness and other things...

So. It's been a while since I reported regularly in this here blog thing. I have to be honest with you, dear Internet, I've been getting a little slack. Not to the point where I've stopped believing in this whole adventure, but somehow just... slowing... down.... easing back into less than productive habits. I'm still making progress, but it's a pound a week instead of 2 or 3 and the inches are slowing down as well. Again, a little here and there, but not the same as the first couple of months. I have no reason behind this and something happened today that is making me take a really good hard look at some stuff.

One of my cousins was killed in a tragic farm accident. I'm having a hard time with this. He was one of the nicest men to ever grace this earth. He was kind, and happy, and generous, and loving, and wonderful. He's leaving behind a beautiful family and friends and people who loved him. Our whole family is heartbroken.

So what does this have to do with me and this experiment? He lived life to the fullest. This was something that I promised myself when I took this on. That I would stop making excuses as to why I can't be more, be better, do the things that I stopped myself from doing.

So. Now what?

First I have to process today. Then I have to give myself a good talking to. I'll let you know how that goes.

Blocky-mc-blocker pants...

So blocks to my success have been discussed here and there and Tara has given me the task of trying to identify those things that I'm putting in the way of my kicking some serious health ass.

I put it off for a week using being in Kelowna as an excuse. Then I put it off claiming to be very busy.

And then I had that crystal clear flash of insight.

My biggest barrier? Stupid PROCRASTINATION. I am horrible about putting things off that need to be dealt with. It is The Thing that I am least proud of.

I'm going to work on this... tomorrow. ;o)

In all seriousness, it is something that I need to address in a big way because it affects my entire life, not just my health...

The Week of 20

For a "mulligan" week the results are actually impressive.

As of this week Rita has lost 20 pounds and over 20 inches all over.

As mentioned in her previous post, I am asking rita to consider her "obstacles". Each one of us has these obstacles. Little niggly things (self talk/doubt, fears etc etc) that have stopped us from achieving our goals in the past.

Rita and I have had ALOT of discussion about it. I think that there is definately a bit of a wall up there somewhere. She is making changes, for sure, but not as quickly as she might if she were to acknowledge these barriers/obstacles.

Please understand, its not a fault or a criticism of what she is currently doing. I happen to think she's doing fantastic! She's making better choices, feeling better, losing the weight etc etc. Its all good. I just happen to think she could get there faster.

So we'll see how this plays out next week. We spoke about it, and with Ritas permission I think next week we will post her actual numbers?

Mulligan...

I'm claiming a Mulligan this week.  I've been in Kelowna hanging out with my family and while I haven't been going crazy with the food and whatnot, I haven't been following the meal plans in any way, shape or form.  I've discovered when you are at the mercy of other people, it's harder to stick with the "eat every two to three hours" thing.  I haven't walked to any significant level of intensity at all but I've walked and I've swam... oh my how I've swam.  I've been keeping my portion sizes under control for the most part and have only really caved and nomed  to excess one day.... but it was salmon.  My brother's salmon.  Those of you in the know will testify how you just can't resist.  And can I get a "nice job" on the amount of alcohol I DIDN'T drink?  I was really good.  Even at the wedding I only had about 4 glasses of wine.  But it was realllllyyyyy good wine.

It's been fantastic spending time with my family and we've had a ton of fun.  But today we head back home and I've already booked my walking buddy for tonight.  I'm curious to see how I've done weight wise.

HOWEVER, my job over the last week was to figure out what is stopping me from totally diving into this adventure and I've spent a bit of time pondering it, but I'm still not sure what it is.  Once we are home and back in the groove, I'll work on that a bit more.  Anyone who's spent time with my family, especially en masse, will understand that it's hard to get time alone in your own head.  We are an intense bunch that way.  But I love them.  Oh how I love them.  They are a good bunch of people.